Domestic violence advocacy is meant to be about justice, accountability, and standing with survivors. It is supposed to be about giving a voice to those who have been silenced and ensuring that harm does not go unanswered.

But sometimes, the people who call themselves domestic violence advocates do not live up to the responsibility of that title.

Sometimes, those who speak the loudest about protecting survivors are nowhere to be found when it matters most. These people build entire careers around “fighting for justice,” but when faced with domestic violence within their own families, choose to shield the perpetrator.

This is a betrayal of their own values. A betrayal of survivors who have already suffered enough. A betrayal of everything that true advocacy is supposed to mean.

A person who make excuses for an abuser is not an advocate.
A person who prioritizes the wellbeing of a violent man over the suffering of his victims is not an advocate.
A person who profits off of domestic violence awareness while working behind the scenes to shield a perpetrator from justice is not an advocate.

They are an enabler. A fraud. A hypocrite. In other words, a con artist.

To the survivors who have ever been ignored, dismissed, or abandoned by someone who claimed to fight for people like them–you are not alone.

To those who have witnessed a domestic violence advocate make excuses for the perpetrator in court–you are not alone.

To those who have watched a system bend in favor of the accused rather than the harmed–you are not alone.

To those who have seen advocacy used as an ego project rather than a true purpose–you are not alone.

To those who cannot sleep at night because the person who attacked you runs free–you are not alone.

Real advocacy means standing firm in the face of difficult truths.
It means recognizing that justice cannot be conditional.
It means protecting survivors, even when it’s inconvenient.

Those who only believe in accountability when it applies to someone else were never advocates to begin with.

If you are looking for real support, real advocacy, and real resources for survivors, please visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline.